Life or Facebook?
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Life or Facebook?

Facebook is the college kid’s caffeine. It’s what keeps us awake during classes; actually, it’s what keeps us awake period. It’s the instant gratification we experience once we spy an ex’s new relationship status or down a tall house blend coffee. And like a strong cup of joe from Bongo, the relationship is grudgingly adored, for its seeming necessity for survival and addictive element makes it a staple in most college students’ diets. Forget Blackboard – who checks it anyway? If professors want to keep in touch, they should utilize their Facebook. (Actually, a lot of them already do…)

Though Facebook’s primary purpose is to socially network and keep in touch with old friends, most of us have a tendency to over share.

“Facebook is like a way of life. You wake up, you have to update your status,” economics major Travis Chapman, ’12, said. “Everything you do, you have to let Facebook know about it.”

A large volume of information about yourself is shared through the channel of an online profile. And when you read comments, status updates and mini-autobiographies in your head, the information isn’t considered egocentric. (As opposed to if someone was obnoxiously declaring in class that death metal is superior to all other genres.) Add an insatiable curiosity for other people’s business to the mix, and Facebook is a gossip maven’s dream. It’s like “People” magazine, except scaled down to a cohesive news feed and features people on the front page that you actually know. What with being able to control your online persona and what gets streamed to other people’s home pages, it provides the perfect breeding ground for stalker and procrastination central. Log on to Facebook Chat any time after 11 and the volume of people online increases exponentially.

“[It’s so popular because] Facebook gives one the ability to get into other people’s business,” music business major Paxton Williams, class of ’12, said. “Because the very purpose of Facebook is for people to make their own business known.”

Facebook’s popularity has exploded within the last year, and its relevance to a college student’s routine makes it as ubiquitous on campus as freshman music business majors. It’s a handy tool for keeping in touch, finding out if the new guy you’re interested in has a weird fixation with Star Wars, or most infamously: simply procrastinating. When have you last deleted someone off your friends list out of spite, or friended someone online that doesn’t have a clue who you are? You know you need to get off of Facebook and get some fresh air when you’ve committed any (or all) of these Facebook faux pas:

1. When you request to add a perfect stranger and get your feelings hurt after a few days pass and they haven’t accepted you

2. When something, anything happens and you update your Facebook status ASAP, via your cell phone

3. When you update your status multiple times in an hour

4. When you start to actually brainstorm witty status updates

5. When you call your friends freaking out when you see that John and Jane have broken up, relationship status style, on your news feed

6. When you use someone’s Facebook as a layman’s version of a background check

7. When you hit “status updates” every few seconds, in lieu of anything better to do/writing that paper that’s due in a couple of hours

8. When you can spot someone across campus and know their whole name, not because you’ve met them before, but because you’ve seen them tagged in various photos

9. You’ve checked someone’s page out so much that the info is residual; you can recite their favorite quotes by heart

10. The fact that he’s still listed as “single” when he’s very much “in a relationship” with you sparks such an argument that is so vehement that it makes you change your status to “it’s complicated”