Donald Trump to be commencement speaker at May graduation
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Donald Trump to be commencement speaker at May graduation

Republican presidential frontrunner Donald Trump dropped another bombshell today by announcing that he’ll be the commencement speaker at Belmont’s graduation in May.

Trump has dominated the presidential race ever since he announced his candidacy in June, but his busy campaign schedule isn’t stopping him from activities on the side. Instead, Trump said he’s decided to use his free time to deliver his message specifically to the students of Belmont.

“You know, I’m practically the greatest commencement speaker ever,” Trump said. “And I feel so strongly about this because, you know, we can’t have losers graduating from a place like Belmont. I have the ultimate answer to make these graduates great.”

Trump pointed to his massively successful Trump University as indisputable proof he would deliver the most spectacular of spectacular addresses in Belmont’s 125 year history. He claimed the upcoming graduates would be lost without his oratorical skills, and his duty as a good citizen obliges him to help the students.

“It has not been easy for me,” Trump said reflectively. “I started off in Brooklyn. My father gave me a small loan of a million dollars. It was really hard. And that’s why I’m doing this. I’m paying for my own campaign; these students should pay for their day-to-day living.”

Trump added confidently that his speech will be met with a 100 percent success rate.

“This thing is gonna sell itself,” he said.

Photo by Andrew Hunt.

Screen shot 2015-04-01 at 10.29.46 AM

This article is a work of fiction, meant for entertainment purposes only.

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